Toto, We Aren't in Kansas Anymore: Day One

By Jacelyn Keys

Once upon a time, there lived an introverted, over-achieving, control-freak, American lady named Jacelyn. One day, said introverted, over-achieving, control-freak decided to challenge herself, boarded a plane, and ultimately found herself in the middle of a beautiful medieval city high in the central mountains of Italy. In this beautiful city, the locals, for the most part, speak only Italian or the resident dialect. Jacelyn speaks English and marginally passable French. And while she has never had official training as a mime, she is finding a previously untapped skill set born out of sheer survival instinct. 

Welcome to day one of my Gonzaga in Cagli experience. 

In my normal life, I am a college administrator; I set the agenda of my regional center, provide priorities and structure for my staff, and manage a multiplicity of student concerns, fears, dramas, and emergencies. Within the context of my daily life, there are few situations that leave me greatly lacking in confidence and fewer still in which I cannot step back, seek solutions to the problems I face, and proceed forward on a path to resolution. 

When I decided to attend Gonzaga in Cagli, I did so because I believe everyone needs to embrace something that moves them significantly outside their comfort zone on a regular basis. Since the most daring thing I have done of late is introduce color into my all black wardrobe, I felt a pluckier undertaking was in order. Just over 24 hours after arriving in Cagli, a part of me wishes my self-challenge for the year was something more along the lines of taking dancing lessons or cutting my shoe collection from 120 pairs of shoes to less than 100. Well. On second thought, let’s not get too crazy. 

I’ve been abroad multiple times. I’ve traveled abroad with students. I understand and expected the range of emotions I would feel as a part of this experience. I am self-aware enough to know exactly which personality traits were going to float to the top and how to combat them with the part of me is good at trusting the process. That part of me is, at the moment, microscopic. 

As an introvert, my energy is drained by being with a lot of people with whom I have no real solid connection or relationship. Fortunately, one of my strengths is building relationships. I usually do that by talking and listening to people. While this should come as no great shock to anyone, it’s worth mentioning that it is much easier to build a relationship when both parties speak the same language. Otherwise, it’s a lot of smiling, pointing, nodding, and thumbing through an Italian phrase book. The temptation to hide in my apartment is beyond strong. It’s nearly overwhelming. And let’s be honest. Despite the fact that I can justify this as a legitimate academic pursuit, I’m sitting in the lab working on this post as a form of avoidance. In the lab I’m safe - unless a faculty member gets wise to my ruse and kicks me out into the city. After this post, the cat is pretty much out of the bag. 

I do trust the process. I do. Kind of. Almost. I’ll get there. I’ve seen it work often enough - I’m just going on blind faith at this point. I know things will get better. I know I will finally adjust to the new and in so doing banish the fear of this experience. I know when I leave, I will feel bereft of a people and city that will have burrowed their way into my heart and soul and forever changed me.