As a part of our Intercultural Communication Course we
touched on the topic of gender. This can
often be a confusing concept for people.
Gender does not refer to if a person is male or female – that is a
person’s sex. Gender is a continuum and
refers to both masculine and feminine traits.
If someone says a female is a tomboy, the speaker is indicating that the
female has more male characteristics than female characteristics. Though, if I may be a touch preachy for a
moment, the speaker’s opinion of said female doesn't matter one iota when juxtaposed against the
female’s self-identity.
As the class moved through a conversation on gender,
Dr. C asked us how we might perceive life differently if we were a different
sex. In a class of 16, three are
men. The men were promptly put on the
spot. As we moved through the
conversation, several female students implied that men didn’t have to concern
themselves as much with how they look as women do.
I disagree.
The phrases that are common in American language to describe the ideal
man indicate otherwise. Prince Charming. This conjures images of
a strong, lean, good looking man. Tall, dark, and handsome. Need I say
more? The strong silent type. This
invokes pictures of a protector, and though unspoken, the expectation is that
he is good looking. I don’t want to
speak for the men out there, but I’m guessing that you also feel judged and, at
least occasionally, unworthy based on how you look. Just a guess.
Maybe I’m wrong.
I often feel that the idea of feminity is linked to
appearance. Women should be shorter than
men, delicate (read slender - more specifically – full hips and breasts and
tiny waists), demure (something I know so little about it’s not even funny), and
inherently feminine. If femininity is
linked to appearance, it stands to reason that so is masculinity.
Society sets the expectations for what is determined
masculine and feminine.
Society screws up on a regular basis.
A few days ago, we were treated to a cross bow
tournament. The local guilds,
resplendent in 14th century costumes, battled each other for bragging
rights. The Le Marche region of Italy
(where Cagli is located) took home all the awards for cross bow competition at
the recent Olympics. These folks are
good. And those arrows are metal points.
This is the stuff a risk management office’s nightmares are made of. To anyone from a risk management office experiencing
tightness in their chest reading this post – please know we were appropriately
warned by our faculty to stay back and the cross bow group had “no walk” zones
set up to ensure spectator safety. Breathing
easier? J
I was struck by the comfort of these men walking
around in tights. It’s not totally
unusual for me - I’m a theatre girl after all; men in the theatre tend to be
less reserved about their dress – but the concept of masculinity and femininity
as defined by society was fresh in my mind.
For most men in the US, dressing in period costume is not something that
exudes masculinity. I thought of the
mocking tone in my brother’s voice years ago when a Scotsman visiting the US
took me to lunch wearing his kilt. “He wore
his skirt?!?” I could just imagine the
comments about these men in their costumes.
I found myself incredibly relaxed around these men. They were comfortable in who they were. At the end, they paraded through town. That kind of self-confidence and acceptance
is nothing short of awesome in my book.
Each culture has a definition of masculinity and
femininity, and in each culture there are outliers that don’t fit the
mold. Vive la difference! Why should we all be crammed into one
definition of what it means to be masculine or feminine? Here’s a novel concept. How about we spend more time accepting each
other for our unique talents, strengths, gifts, and characteristics and less
time judging people because they don’t fit in a box? I dare say we would learn more, be happier, have
better relationships, and live in a kinder world.
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